Getting married is a very exciting time in a persons life. Meeting the perspective in laws, learning about one another. In Libya this is a very long process. Everything is done to make sure the match is going to be compatible. The families ask about each other and negotiations are set in motion. The first part of this involves the women. If the bride is not too well known to the family, then they will ask around about the bride and the family. Nine times out of ten, by the end of this stage, they think they know her pretty well. The thing that makes me laugh every time is that when the ladies ask about a perspective bride they are usually give great feedback. If there is something there for them to be concerned about then the words, "I don't want to say anything, or " I'm not sure," is mentioned.
If a family are really excited about finally getting their son married at last, they will push for it as hard as they can. They will shower praise and gifts on the bride and her family.
This is why I really don't understand when after the wedding, usually after the Friday ceremony, the grooms family, who love this girl mind you, starts to say how much they hate her and all types of gossip comes about the poor girl and her family. I think this happens for two reasons.
First of all people start to tell the truth or lie after the fact because the are jealous or they feel that because it is all over and done with they can't be accused of interfering with some one's naseeb (destiny). The other thing is that everyone puts on a false face until after the deal is "sealed". Then they start to show their true colors.
I think that people should be as honest as possible with their potential in-laws (both sides), because if you are entering a marriage for life, honesty is always the best policy. How can you base a future and family on a lie or group of lies? If they are not compatible to you before the marriage, then they will definitely not be compatible afterwards. In fact, it will be worse because dishonesty causes suspicion and mistrust.
I am not saying that this happens every time but if you are telling YOURSELF the truth, then I am sure you can recall more than one occasion this has happened.
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12 hours ago
2 comments:
Sadly this is too true .But there is a methode to this maddness .As you stated many times other people know where all the bodies are burried but don't speak out for fear that they will be accused of putting a "spell" on the match . This way if, and usually when , things start to go bad ; your name doesn't come up as the reason . No blame is fixed on you for putting the evil eye on the couple .In return no one will put the evil eye on you & / or your family .... hopefully .
very nice post, and it's truth, family play an big part in libya, and if it's a big family thier part will be bigger and the problems will be more.even when most of the family are good, just one bad member could make troubles.
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